quote of the day. 10/11/14

"i'm strong yet weak and fragile at the same time." 

6/11/14

I hate myself for everything. I think I have a unique mind. My mind just works like that; thinking of negative things and so on. I was just as negative as when I was small, just less expressive. People don't know what I've been through. I've been through bullying, I've been through teasing or well, joking but it was definitely not funny, calling me a prostitude when I was just 11/12 years old. I never, well at least I think so, offended anyone that bad for people to call me a prostitude. I get it, I'm ugly. I don't have the confidence for everything. I'm worried about my parents leaving me, I'm worried about my school. I'm not attending school, and I know my teachers are pretty upset. I know it, but I can't help but not to go. I feel like I have a weird syndrome or illness that doesn't want me to go to school. I like school, just not the schedules. I like science, I want to learn more about it. But I don't attend school. I feel pathetic. I feel like I'm useless. I can never do anything well. I feel so bad that I feel like dying. I already think I'm dying inside. I'm sorry that I'm not perfect. I'm sorry for worrying you guys. I'm sorry for actually existing in this world. If one day you find me missing, don't bother to find me, I'm not worth it.There are a lot more people who are more worth it than me. I'm sorry for not attending school. I can't help it. I think I learn better at home than in school. But I can't really do anything about it. sighs. I have a lot of suicidal thoughts this year and the types of suicides are endless. But I guess I can't give up to the society, to the unfair world. It's because of these problems that makes someone strong right? I hope I can get more stronger mentally to overcome every obstacles in my way. But for the time being, I can't do it. I hope people can understand my situation; that even though I might seem like the happy girl I am outside, I'm actually a negative and lonely girl on the inside. To be honest, I really can't be alone. Thoughts will just keep flooding in and I'll just keep on thinking ahout negative thoughts. Which is why I try to accompany friends. When there is no music stuck in my head, all I think about is, my friends are gonna leave me, my grades are gonna fail me, everyone will look down at me. I can't help it, that's the way I am. I think a lot, I think too much. I guess I've talked to much, but this is goodbye.