I can feel my health deteriorating slowly. Because of the second hand smoke or not. If my health is really going down slowly, why can't god take one's life away if one's life is ending anyway? Living in the real world while being sick of life is just bad. Sick of life yet can't take her life away with her own decisions. Don't you think it's cruel for someone to live on this world but for them to feel like a total useless person or that the person feels like she's half alive? It's really sad.. Really.. It's like the person's life is just barely holding on to a piece of string that is going to snap soon enough.
Dying.. It really is a part of my mind nowadays.. Feeling empty, useless, just not worthy of living, all are just floating endlessly in my mind.. I've thought about what they should do once I'm dead. Probably writing a letter stating not to have a funeral and save up the money to do something else, and just scatter my ashes into the sea so I can roam around the world using the sea waves. That wouldn't be a bad idea, would it? To roam around the world without any worries.. I don't even need to spend money! Be strong they said, I'm trying.. I hope everything ends up okay because I don't like people worrying over small matters like me, because I don't feel worthy of their worries. Time to end of here, thanks for reading.
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